It's been an incredibly long time since I've written...and I apologize! Quite honestly, I don't consider myself a great writer, nor do I have more wisdom/advice than my incredible friends. So, in typical self-depreciating fashion, I haven't pursued the potential of this blog, or what I can bring to the infertility space. Things are about to change... and I plan on some big changes.
As many of you know, I have spent the last couple of years touring the state of Utah and a small trip to Idaho with a group of infertility doctors trying to raise awareness and HOPE that this disease can be beat! I've been able to be part of, witness, and experience the joys of IVF and other treatment giveaways, and I recently received a letter from a recipient of one these giveaways that has stayed in my thoughts. So... as awesome as it is to help a handful of couples... I now am working on something (with the help of some incredible people) to help THOUSANDS of couples build their families! Step One will help or eliminate the financial burden of infertility treatment... Step Two will help those in the adoption community! Stay tuned people... I will need your help, but I have fire behind me and I'm SO EXCITED! I want all of you to have the babies you dream about! I am so thankful for mine...it's time to find a way to give back in a big way!
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/87387/UTAH-NEEDS-INFERTILITY-INSURANCE.html?pg=all
Friday, August 2, 2013
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
More...
I went through a long period of time where I didn’t talk much about my miscarriages and struggles getting pregnant because honestly, sometimes the “well meaning” responses were more painful for me. I almost felt discredited by people saying “at least…”, “it’s better because”, “my mom ,my friend, my neighbor, etc had a miscarriage….” and then moving onto the next friendly topic to discuss because they were uncomfortable sitting in my pain with me. Someday I may want to hear about your neighbors experience, but today, I just want you to tell me that you’re sorry my heart is broken. Please validate my emotions, or at least don’t dismiss them (even though miscarriage must be the most common thing in the world based on the statistics you’ve shared). Or, worse yet, please don’t try to one up me here and share how your story or your friend’s story was worse than mine. I promise I will try to never discredit your pain with my story either.
I have many friends who have miscarried, some who have lost pregnancies to stillbirth (after the 20 week mark), and some who have carried full term to lose a baby. I also have friends who have lost infants, toddlers, and even older children. In my own life, I can’t imagine much worse than losing a child, and I pray every day that the 2 beautiful babies I do have will be safe and happy. I have miscarried 5 times; at 7 weeks, 10 weeks, 11 weeks, 14 weeks, and 16 weeks, and I can say that they didn’t get harder or easier based on length of gestation. I was devastated with a few, totally heartbroken with others, and almost expecting one loss. I don’t know what’s “worse” to go through, I just think they are all horrible and this is painful for me right now. Frankly, I don’t think there is one “worse”. True, it’s “lucky” that I didn’t have to experience a full pregnancy to lose my child, but honestly, as much as I hate to admit it, I have been jealous that you got to feel your baby move, you get to name your baby and hold your baby and have molds made of their hands and feet. You get to say you had a “real” baby that you lost, and I just fall into the stat of a miscarriage. I’m sure women who lost a full term baby wished they could have just heard a cry, touched warm skin, and whispered their love into that tiny, innocent ear. I’m sure someone who loses an infant wishes they could have seen their little personality develop, see what hobbies and talents they possessed, and witness their first steps, first day of school, and juggle a wiggly toddler. I’m sure parents who lost a child wish they could see how they would have lived up to their potential, who they would have dated and married, what they would have studied, and what paths they would have followed.
Again, there really is no “worse”. The truth is, we all just want more than what we had. We wanted another day, another opportunity to love them and let them know we loved them. We weren’t ready to let go, and it’s ok to admit that. I wanted child, but I would have even loved holding a baby for 2 seconds in a validated, serene setting, but then I don’t know if I could have or would have handled that better…
October
October is nationally recognized as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarenss Month. Rather than just looking at each day as a whole, I hope the 31 day challenge will help you individually as you deal with the loss of your very special and unique and wanted child.
Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? *Winks*
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
Day 11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father?
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
Day 13: Does anyone else besides your speak your child's name?
Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel.
Day 15: Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What are you doing today?
Day 16: Do you take time for yourself?
Day 17: Do you feel your child is watching over you?
Day 18: Have you found something that puts you at peace?
Day 19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)?
Day 20: If you have anger.....What are you most angry about?
Day 21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?
Day 22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)
Day 23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?
Day 24: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?
Day 25: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?
Day 26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?
Day 27: Share a picture.
Day 28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss?
Day 29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again?
Day 30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday's and starting a new year)
Day 1: Who are you? Share as little or as much about you in general.
Day 2: Tell us about your child(ren). As much or as little as you like. Names, birthdays, stats.
Day 3: Through your grief process who has been your "rock"?
Day 4: Through your grief process what has kept you going?
Day 5: Do you ever get subtle reminds of your angel(s)? If so what what are they? *Winks*
Day 6: How do you answer the question of how many children you have?
Day 7: Do you do something to honor your angel(s)? If so what?
Day 8: Do you feel you have more good days than bad ones?
Day 9: If you have other children how has your loss affected them? If you don't other children how has your loss affected your relationship with your partner?
Day 10: If you have Rainbows or older children do they know and remember your angel(s)?
Day 11: It is said that Father's and Mother's grieve differently. Do you feel this is true with your angel's father?
Day 12: How has the rest of your family dealt with your loss?
Day 13: Does anyone else besides your speak your child's name?
Day 14: What have you done to preserve your child's memories or make new memories of your angel.
Day 15: Today is Pregnancy and Infancy Loss Awareness Day. What are you doing today?
Day 16: Do you take time for yourself?
Day 17: Do you feel your child is watching over you?
Day 18: Have you found something that puts you at peace?
Day 19: What is your happiest memory of your child(ren)?
Day 20: If you have anger.....What are you most angry about?
Day 21: Is there something about your child(ren) that brings a smile to your face?
Day 22: Do you have a song or songs that make you think of your child(ren)
Day 23: Besides changing the outcome, what is one thing you would have done differently?
Day 24: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. Do you prepare for them?
Day 25: On Birthday's, Diagnosis Day's, Anniversaries of Passing. How do you handle them?
Day 26: On a scale of 1 to 10 rate your day today and why?
Day 27: Share a picture.
Day 28: Have you ever corrected or wish you corrected someone about your loss?
Day 29: What are your beliefs as far as where you think your child(ren) is/are. Will you see each other again?
Day 30: How are your preparing for the end of the year? (ie: Holiday's and starting a new year)
Presidential Proclamation- Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awarenss Month
PRESIDENTIAL PROCLAMATION
OCTOBER
Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month
Each year, approximately a million pregnancies in the U.S. end in miscarriage, stillbirth or the death of the newborn child. National observance of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month offers us the opportunity to increase our understanding of the great tragedy involved in the deaths of unborn and newborn babies. It also enables us to consider how, as individuals and communities, we can meet the needs of bereaved parents and family members on work to prevent causes of these problems.
Health care professionals recognize that trends of recent years, such as smaller family size and postponement of childbearing, adds another dimension of poignancy to the grief of parents who have lost infants. More than 700 local, national and international support groups are supplying programs and strategies designed to help parents cope with their loss. Parents who have suffered their own losses, health care professionals and specially trained hospital staff members are helping newly bereaved parents deal constructively with loss...
The Congress, by Senate Joint Resolution 314, has designated the month of October, as "Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month" and authorized and requested the President to issue a proclamation in observance of this month.
NOW, THEREFORE, I RONALD REAGAN, President of the United States of America, do hereby proclaim the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I call upon the people of the United States to observe this month with appropriate programs, ceremonies, and activities.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this twenty-fifth day of October in the year of our Lord nineteen hundred and eighty-eight and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirteenth.
Ronald Reagan
Former President
United States of America
Friday, May 20, 2011
Mrs. Utah United States 2011
I am so grateful to have been awarded the title of Mrs. Utah, but I'm most thankful for the opportunity of sharing information, support, and hope for those struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss. I hope during my year as Mrs. Utah, I can help others focus on the blessings they have, having a dream and making it a reality, and the importance of reaching out, opening up, and lifting one another.
Here's a summary of my story-
Years of doubt, fear, guilt, and anxiety during infertility testing and medications turned to joy and hope when I became pregnant with my first child. After carrying my longed for baby a blissful 3 months, I miscarried and sunk deeper into my silent suffering. I didn’t know where to turn for support and comfort- I was alone, yet suffering a very common condition. I have since delivered 2 healthy, beautiful babies, and suffered 4 additional miscarriages. I chose my platform to give a voice and face to those longing to be a mother. By opening the lines of communication regarding common problems and causes, we can find solutions. Talking about infertility can help people find empathy, inspiration, and comfort. Where there is support, there is strength. Where there is education, there is empowerment. While infertility and loss may only affect a unique group of people, the message of hope and endurance through trials is far reaching.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)